Dear Lara? Can I tell him to move out, my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend are flatmates.

QuestionMy boyfriend of 6 months broke up with his girlfriend of 2years to be with me. Both before and during his relationship with her, they (my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend) as well as one other lady were flatmates sharing a 3 bedroom apartment very close to his office in Victoria Island, Lagos.

Now that he is no longer in a relationship with her, is it unreasonable to ask him to move out of the apartment even though he states they are just flatmates and platonic friends? Too close for comfort

Answer: It is quite important to have trust in every relationship, but wherever possible, it is equally important for both parties to do their best to create an environment that would foster trust and reduce unnecessary anxiety in their loved one.

It is not unreasonable to request that your boyfriend finds alternative accommodation, as, without waxing religious, the Christian bible also said, ‘flee’, not ‘fight’ temptation. Six months into the relationship is well enough time for you to be able to bring it up, as I can imagine you are also not too comfortable when visiting him at the flat.

However, it is important that you have a calm reasonable conversation about this to enable him understand your point of view, rather than turn it into an argument. Be very attentive to his reasons as well as his reactions during this conversation, as it will enable you understand whether remaining in the flat is simply a matter of convenience for him, or whether there is more to it than meets the eye.


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