Dear Lara, I found out that my wife of 9 years was my landlord
Question: I am a middle-aged man of average means. About 5 years ago, my wife kept urging us to move out of our flat to a different area due to flooding in that area. After looking around together with an agent she got, she insisted on a particular flat in Magodo which, though slightly more affordable than the other options at the time, was not my preferred choice as it was farther from our offices than my preferred option.
I wouldn’t consider myself a debtor and I usually paid previous rents relatively promptly. Since we moved to the new place however, she always gave constant reminders once the rent was almost due and insisted it be paid on the exact date. Two years ago she also informed me that the landlord (who lived abroad) wanted the yearly rent 2 months early for some urgent reason, and we managed to meet the request, which didn’t stop ‘the landlord’ from increasing our rent the following year.
While searching her phone recently to retrieve some important numbers to my new phone, I couldn’t help noticing a text message from the agent confirming he had recently forwarded my rent to her account, less his commission! What do I do? While we have the typical ups and downs of any marriage, our marriage could nevertheless be described as blissful. -My Landlord, My Wife
Answer: I don’t know what type of marriage you have, especially regarding finances, however, your wife’s actions raise several pertinent questions, such as, ‘Are you really on the same team, or is it merely a business arrangement?’, ‘How did she get the house?’ and most importantly, “What else could she be hiding?” and this all comes down to TRUST, which is a cardinal factor for every relationship to thrive.
I would try playing the devil’s advocate by trying to understand the motive behind her actions. You could hypothetically be bad with money; you could be uncaring with regards to other needs of your family, and so on. However, with the exception of a last scenario in which you are abusive to her, no matter which lens I viewed it through, your narrative of your wife describes someone who seems quite calculating and somewhat manipulative.
Nevertheless, you cannot decide what to do yet until you give her a chance to say her part after showing her the evidence, upon which based on her response and remorsefulness, you need to then decide if you can truly forgive and learn to trust her again, or regrettably move on.
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